Suicidal Girl Makes an Unforgettable Video Everyone Should See - TheGodVine

This girl has a story, just like the rest of us. She lost her mom at age nine because her mom committed suicide. As tempted as she was she decided not to follow in her mother's footsteps. Instead, now she takes the pain that she has been through and shares it with the world, telling us that we are all beautiful no matter what anyone says . She says that if it feels like no one cares about you, that is not true. When you have a story to testify, don't keep it a secret. You too could be helping someone get through problems just by sharing how you survived.

11:42  PM

Friday, June 28, 2013

Wishing everyone/you were dead...

Growing up is hard. I can't lie and say the pain ends when you get old. All I can say is that the way you respond to pain, loss, and other issues that might get in your way of being happy determines your will power. Whether you're the bully, the victim, or the sweet popular kid, you all experience sadness. Sometimes you have been sad for so long that you start to feel empty, your eyes turn dark, and you are careless on how others feel about you. Life is suddenly still and cold. You cry inside but you don't let others see it. Maybe you cut yourself or have already tried attempting suicide. To you it doesn't matter if you're breathing. We were all dead the minute we were born. We are all damned to sadness. 

I know this because that's how I felt. I look back now at elementary and I don't remember if I was ever sad. I was always playing and laughing. If you were watching over me then, you would see that people always tried to pick on me, tried making me feel insecure. But at the time, from what I remember, most of it didn't bother me. Then I move towns in sixth grade second semester. People did not like me clearly but I didn't care. Even at children's church I had no friends. My goal was to fit in, no matter how harsh they were to me. They called me albino...even though I am not. They called me that because I had red hair. I was slowly losing my innocence. It was not till summer of seventh grade that I saw things clearly. No one liked me and that means I could not like myself either. I was at camp Pondo with the church kids for 1 week and my world flipped upside down. Who were my friends? People I don't even remember. All the girls that teased me would lift their hands in worship and cry as if the Holy Spirit was flowing through them but they still treated me like dirt. I prayed to God ritually that I would wake up with a completely different life and believed that if I had enough faith my prayers would work. Obviously I was wrong. When I woke up to go to my first day of eighth grade I wasn't mad at God. Surprisingly, I had the strength to thank Him. I saw that He loves me for me and that means I am a good person. 

The point is that our innocence is ruined when we become teens. Your viewpoints from when you were 10 are much different from when you are 12 or 13. My pain didn't stop at eighth grade and I kept throwing God out of my life. I am going to eleventh grade now and my life is getting harder and better at the same time. The reason it is harder is because as everyone gets older, they are capable of damaging your life more. The words are harsher, the bullies are more cruel, and "friends" become better liars. The only way life got better is because in spite of everything I still have God on my side. He has given me the wisdom to see life in a different angle. 

It has only been five months since my heart has changed for the better. That isn't very long. The way I fight is with love. It may sound stupid to love your enemies, but trust me when you fight back your life  becomes more stressful than it should be. Because then drama will turn into war. In the end you may think you've won, but you haven't. They did, because their goal was to break you. 

I understand happiness may seem like a roller coaster, and to some it might not exist. The reason you haven't grasped the feeling of being truly happy is because you think to hard of what it means to be happy. Happiness doesn't come from falling in love, or running in the sun, or laughing with your friends. Happiness comes from inside of you. It is a naive thought to think that one person on this earth is happy  just because they don't experience pain. There's not one person who isn't being attacked by the devil. 

Actually the happier you are, the bigger target you become. The way you become happy is by experiencing what feels like earthly hell. You won't ever capture the essence of joy until you understand what it feels to be hurt and destroyed. When you finally gather your broken pieces you gain a level of power. Like in game, there are levels. Each level is harder but you become stronger. Don't let them kill you or you have to start over. In real life, there is no restart option. Once you are dead that's it. The way I started feeling better was by listening to my godfather Devon Franklin's sermons. Even his wife Meagan Good helped me fight with each encouraging message she gave me. Researching online about all the successful actors that started out with nothing and came to Hollywood on their own helped me realize that the saying "those who have the worst beginning, are the ones with the best ending," is very much true. Some people might not have a person in their life to help them get through things. That is why I made this blog. I want to help change your life, when you can't depend on anyone else. Those people did help me, along with my Nana, Aunt Donna, my godmother Staci, and my English teacher Mr. Nittle. They all helped me in different ways. How did I help myself? I looked for God on my own. No one forced Him on me. Plain and simple. He is the reason I discovered what I want for my future; my passionate dream is to be an actress, my gift is writing, and because of all the sadness I have been through I want to use it for good. I want to use my life to help others. I don't want to be a psychiatrist per say, but I want to create my own organization for troubled teens. I don't hate for what people did to me and what they are still doing to me because I know it's the reason I am writing this post today. I'm not saying I thank them for hurting me, but I will say that I thank God for not giving me the easy way out. For letting me grow stronger and find Him when I am ready. 

Life is not perfect but I sure will make the best out of it and hopefully you will find in your power to do the same. Try to discover your gifts and dreams. Figure out how the pain that grows on you now, will affect you in the future. How can it help you? I'm not saying you'll discover it now, but when you do, you will finally know happiness.